Even The Worst Could Not Beat It!
"Expect the worst, hope for the best!" - Just one of the few one-liners I've learned from BMC. Upon committing myself to fulfilling dutifully the requirements to becoming a real mountaineer and an official member of the SMART Mountaineering Club, I have fears, worries and dilemmas to start with. As I listened to lectures and tales of previous experiences, I began to have a clear picture in my head of what could be “worst” for me when I started climbing mountains and trekking the path to mountaineering. I know what I’m afraid of, what I don’t want to happen, what I don’t want to see or witness, and what I can’t bear to think or imagine would happen. I fear for these things, but somehow I’m EXPECTING they would happen anyway, no matter how I wish they won’t’, because it’s not entirely in my hands to prevent them. And what am I afraid of exactly? Well, my own definition of “worst” includes: (1) snakes, poisonous snakes, either seeing it or being bitten by it; (2) slipping, because I’m bothered by that feeling you get when you slip: a combination of losing control and falling down; (3) getting lost, because I don’t have the confidence that I could find my way back; (4) being left behind, because I’m not sure if I can keep up; (5) heavy rain, because I don’t know whether I’m waterproofed enough and I’m worried that if my stuff and my food get soaked, then I wouldn’t be able to survive; (6) leech, bloodsucking leeches – I imagined I would faint just by the sight of it, what more getting bitten by it; (7) witnessing someone get his/her bone broken, because I’m sure I’ll be stunned on the spot, immobile and useless that you can’t trust me to help give the first aid; (8) getting exhausted, because I’m worried that I’ll reach a point where I can no longer go on and everybody would just have to leave me behind; (9) drinking water coming from somewhere I don’t know; and finally (10) I can’t nudge off that feeling that I’m not well prepared and properly geared for a climb that I won’t be able to survive the subtleties of the mountains and then I would just die of accident or hypothermia or poisoning and I wouldn’t be able to come home. These are my worst fears, my worries, and my uncertainties. These are the things that make me vulnerable.
If I’m so worried and so scared of so many things, why then did I persist? After being finally inducted into the club, I say “IT WAS ALL WORTH IT!” It would be the greatest regret of my life if I let these fears stand in the way of my pursuit of becoming a real mountaineer. All throughout this BMC journey, I’ve had the opportunity to come face-to-face with some of my fears. Tarak gave me the “Am I lost?” feeling – I can’t see anyone ahead of or behind me. It gave me my first “Is this water safe to drink?” experience. Finally, it taught me that I will never be left behind, not even while we’re in the dark trekking our way to an unsure summit, because there is someone called “the sweeper”. Pulag, on the other hand, gave me assurance that I am geared enough to not die of hypothermia. It also taught me that there’s nothing wrong in slipping – because I slipped A LOT in this climb. I think I had my “winning slip” here, but I’ve learned there’s always someone who’ll pull you up and help you get back on your feet. And lastly, Pulag immobilized me when a little snake jumped off in front of me and crawled away. For one minute I just stood on the spot, wondering, firstly, if that’s really a snake I just saw and secondly, scared to take another step for fear that there could be more of them in my way. But as we all say, “I survived Pulag!” Finally, Ugo concluded my long list of fears. It proved to me that no matter how long the trail is, I’ll never die of exhaustion because I can always take a break and I won’t be alone because there’s always someone who’s willing to take that break with me. It showed me that I will not die of hunger and I’m stuffed enough to survive two nights. And lastly, it taught me that leech’s bites don’t kill. It will only cause you to bleed a lot but as long as you can survive the bleeding, you won’t faint – and I didn’t faint, contrary to my fear that I definitely would. Ugo finishes off my worries.
And I say it was all worth it. I’ve been through my worst and yet, none of these could beat the fun, the excitement, the joy, the sense of belongingness and family I get everytime I’m in a climb with my fellow mountaineers. I hoped for the best and I sure got it, in big servings! It doesn’t matter so much that my worst fears await me ahead of the trail because I always feel like shouting and jumping whenever I am walking side-by-side with people who share my passion. And ultimately, nothing can dampen my spirit and make me miss being in the company of people who, just like me, also have fears and weaknesses and worries and yet have a heart brave enough to keep on going; people who are not afraid to open up themselves, to tell what they’re afraid of, to cry, to share their failures, to talk about their foolishness, to make themselves vulnerable: People who let me into their lives, willing to make me a part of it and them a part of mine. And in that moment when we’re all in our nakedness, hiding no more, we find strength and courage from one another. We find solace, comfort, reassurance, understanding, loyalty and friendship. We share each other’s pain; we carry each other’s burden. We are inducted not just into a club, but into a family where every member matters, every member is cared for and every member has a voice. And this is just the beginning. There are more paths to take and more mountains to conquer, but the knowledge that I have you all with me, it is more than enough to empower me.
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